


Do you have hanahaki? Cause your looks are in full bloom

by squidballsinc



Series: Hanahaki with a twist [3]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, Pick-Up Lines, The Author Regrets Everything, The Author Regrets Nothing, hanahaki with a twist, its perfect, seriously why haven't i seen pick-up lines used like this before, well isn't this just swell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-24
Updated: 2020-03-24
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:46:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23301862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/squidballsinc/pseuds/squidballsinc
Summary: “We must have you each attempt to ‘woo’ him one at a time, and I know just the way to do it.”He paused to look each of them in the eyes one by one, his face hard with determination, “Pick-up lines.”or the one with a kinda-not-really pick-up line battleNote: I changed the rules of hanahaki a bit for this one, so go in knowing that
Relationships: Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Deceit Sanders
Series: Hanahaki with a twist [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1674982
Comments: 6
Kudos: 79





	Do you have hanahaki? Cause your looks are in full bloom

**Author's Note:**

> ho ho ho yeah, this is gonna be wild

“Heya Sluts! It's ya-boi Remus comin’ atcha’ HOT with some aMaZiNg news!”

“*sigh* What is it this time brother?”

Roman looked up from his video game to glare at his dumpster-fire of a twin. At the same time, Logan stopped reading his book, Patton poked his head out from the kitchen, and Virgil and Dee temporarily paused their game of chess.

“Ok ok ok, ya’ll better hold onto your panties cause I just developed- drum roll please!- dadadadadadadadadadadaah! A superpower!”

“A superpower?” Logan asked incredulously.

“A superpower!” Remus ‘confirmed’.

“Ha! Good on brother, why don’t you… show us this…… superpower?”

“Gladly!” Remus cheerfully agreed, “Just let me power up!”

Remus shut his eyes, his whole face pinching up in concentration. It was the exact look he always wore when he was emotionally constipated, which means almost-constantly.

“What are we supposed to be looking fo-” Virgil started, but he never got to finish.

Cause right then in there, lay a pool of rainbows, yellow narcissus flowers, and a bit of blood.

“Behold!” Remus boasted, proud of his extraordinary work.

The others looked on in absolute confusion, they looked around at each other as if to say, ‘did you see that too?’ for a hot minute until something clicked in Logan’s head.

“Oh no.”

“What is it?” Dee asked, everyone turned their heads toward Logan.

“I- I know what this is, and it’s very, very bad.”

“What!?!?!?” Dee called out.

“Hanahaki disease.” Logan all but whispered.

“Huh? What’s hanahaki disease?” Patton questioned.

Logan got up and started pacing, “Hanahaki disease is contracted via believed unrequited love. Flowers- that are somehow connected to the person the patient loves- grow within the lungs of the patient until the roots end up suffocating them. During the pre-death period, the patient vomits up some of the flowers in, how do I describe it….. _fantastical_ bouts of barf, and in some cases, blood.”

“Th- that’s outrageous!” Roman exclaimed.

“Is there any sort of cure?” Dee questioned ungently.

“W-well there are two. The first is to have the patients love reciprocated. The second is surgery to remove their feelings. But almost no patient ever gets the surgery, claiming that they would rather die...”

“But wouldn’t surgery be our best option at the moment?” Patton inquired.

“hOLD UP!” Remus burst, “NO NO NO, you are NOT getting rid of my awesome superpower!!”

“Brother you don’t understand! We only want to h-”

“NO ROMAN! _YOU_ don’t understand! I’m not going to get rid of my powers _or_ my feelings! In fact, I’m going on tour! You’ll see. I’m going to turn this town more gay then you can ever imagine!” And with that Remus stormed out of the building, faster than any of the others could fully comprehend what he just said.

Virgil snapped out of the shock first, “What now?”

“There’s only one thing we can do.” Roman said, his voice carrying the force of a thousand armies, “We must find the one who has earned my brother’s affections and have them reciprocated.”

“But how?”

“Well you are my brother's only friends so it must be one of you.” Roman began, “We must have you each attempt to ‘woo’ him one at a time, and I know just the way to do it.”

He paused to look each of them in the eyes one by one, his face hard with determination, “ _Pick-up lines_.”

  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

  
Tracking him at first wasn’t that hard, the trail of rainbow barf, yellow narcissuses, and some blood being a hard thing to miss.

But once they found him, they made a (potentially) fatal mistake.

They sent Logan first.

“Ahem, if you were a triangle then you would be _acute_.”

Remus paused to blink owlishly at him, then ran off down the street faster than an olympic runner.

“Ah wha? Did I do something incorrectly?” Logan puzzled.

“Well duh! Everyone knows that the first rule of pick-up lines is to run away from bad ones!” Roman explained.

“Uh..huh”

“*sigh* C’mon, we gotta follow him.”

  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

  
Following him the first time wasn’t that hard. But once Remus figured out they were following him, he made it ten times harder. He started going back on himself, crossing multiple paths on top of each other, until they had no choice.

“We should split up.” Logan suggested, “So that we can cover more ground.”

“Fine, but send out a text if you get him.” Roman commanded.

They all nodded and headed off in different directions.

  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

  
“If love was illegal,” Virgil began, “then would you be my _partner in crime?_ ”

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO”

Virgil sighed, as Remus ran, he pulled out his phone and sent a text.

  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

  
“You remind me of the 21 letters in the alphabet.”

Remus narrowed his eyes, “Theres 26…”

“Oops,” Patton apologized, “I forgot _U R A Q T!_ ”

“REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE” Remus screeched, flipping over a trash can as he ran off.

Patton picked up the trash and sent out a message.

  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

  
At long last Remus ran into an alley.

But not just any alley, oh no.

Cause in this alley sat Dee, perched atop a dumpster as if it was his regal throne. 

“Hey there hot stuff, are you deodorant?” He shifted so that he was lying upon the bed of trash in the ‘draw-me-like-one-of-your-french-girls’ pose, “Cause _Dee. Orders. You. Here~_ ”

At that, Remus immediately doubled over and barfed everything out of his system. Then proceeded to launch himself at Dee.

Dee laughed and caught him, grinning, he pulled out his phone and sent a message.

  
_Got him._

**Author's Note:**

> So waddya think? I hope you enjoyed it! If you are interested in my other works that 'mess with' the typical way hanahaki is written then check out the other 2 stories in this series! But I do have to warn you that they are from different fandoms, so there's that. Farewell! :)


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